


Captain's cake!

by RussianSunflower3



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Birthday Cake, Ever - Freeform, Fluff and Humor, Gen, Happy Birthday Oikawa!!!, Please do not let Oikawa in the kitchen, Team as Family
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-07-20
Updated: 2019-07-20
Packaged: 2020-07-09 04:37:33
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 13,083
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19881766
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/RussianSunflower3/pseuds/RussianSunflower3
Summary: It's Oikawa's birthday, and he wants a cake.Not a store-bought cake, or a pre-made one, but a lovingly homebaked cake.Unaware of the horrors Oikawa could orchestrate in the kitchen, Kyoutani foolishly allows the team into his home, and into his kitchen.Featuring; Stupid goats, Birthday baking, Summoning demons, Sugar-free gummy bears, and regret!





	1. Knock-knock jokes, Lucky Star, and Zeus.

“I want a cake.” Practice grinds to a halt as Oikawa’s words are spoken into existence, the setter himself standing in the centre of the court, spinning a ball in his hands and staring absentmindedly out of the gymnasium windows.

There’s dead silence for approximately 12 seconds whilst his entire team stares at him, a stray ball rolling comically past him on the court.

“What the fuck, Shittykawa?” Nose scrunched up and lips pursed together, Iwaizumi is the first one to gather his words. Oikawa whips his gaze around to stare unsettlingly into his soul.

“I want. A cake.” Understandably, all those within eyesight either back away or hold their hands up in mock surrender. Oikawa’s demanding gaze can be sufficiently scary sometimes, and even Iwaizumi is unnerved by it. Correction, he’s disturbed by it.

“Jesus fucking Chri- Yeah, sure, we’ll get you a fucking cake, just-. Just _never_ look at me like that again or the only thing you’ll get is an exorcism.” Oikawa hums. He looks down at the ball he spins in his hands. His frown is tight at the corners and eyes narrowed just enough to notice. He’s displeased.

Before Iwaizumi can say anything - snap him out of it and remind him they’re at practice - Hanamaki slings himself over Oikawa's shoulders, slumping slightly to press his weight down.

“Oiiiiiii, why’re you making a face like sour cream? Iwaizumi just _agreed_. Usually, logistically, and some other word ending in ‘ly’, you should be ecstatic right now.” Matsukawa, despite being on the other side of the court, chimes in;

“Usually, logistically, and _selfishly_?” Hanamaki immediately grins, snapping his fingers in Matsukawa’s direction and ignoring the dark vibes coming from their captain. Or maybe he’s just oblivious to them.

“That’s the word! Thanks, Matsukawa!” Whilst Matsukawa gives a silent thumbs up with his same deadpan expression before turning back to practice, Iwaizumi makes his way over, nudges Hanamaki off Oikawa’s shoulders, and swats the back of Oikawa’s neck.

“Oi, dumbass, we won’t know what you specifically want unless you ask. You want a cake, right? So tell us what kind of cake or you’re getting a discount dry oatmeal muffin shoved up your-”

“I want a home baked cake! Not a cheap, generic, store cake with no heart or meaning!” Another heartbeat of silence. Iwaizumi pinches at the bridge of his nose, irritated and stressed, whilst Yahaba sighs in vague disappointment. Ever the optimist, Watari shrugs.

“Well, at least he didn’t try baking it himself. Remember Hanamaki-senpai’s birthday?” There are a few collective shudders. Kindaichi swallows hard, trying to physically repress the memory.

“I thought we agreed to never bring that up again… Please.” He gets a sympathetic pat on the back from Kunimi, before Kunimi returns to… Slacking off. He would be practicing, but if no one else was, then he wasn’t going to either.

The only thing is, Oikawa averts his gaze and fidgets in place. Iwaizumi grips his shoulder tight enough that his fingers dig slightly into Oikawa’s flesh and the Captain nervously laughs.

“Yo, Oikawa.”

“H-Heeeeey, Iwa-chan~... It’s… Uh, lovely weather we’re having, yes…?”

“Oikawa.” An uneasy gulp. Oikawa forces on a weak grin and meets Iwaizumi face on, though his eyes are scrunched close.

“Y-Yeeeees?”

“I need to ask you something.”

“Mhm?”

“And you’re going to answer honestly.”

“Okay…”

“Oikawa, tell me this. Did you _fucking dare bake anything-_ ” Oikawa looks around the room, anywhere but Iwaizumi’s eyes, biting the inside of his cheek guiltily. Iwaizumi’s eyes narrow. His fingers dig in a little more.

“What kind of mess did you make.” It’s not a question. It’s a demand. Hanamaki and Matsukawa watch in anticipation, both of them grinning and leaning in, as if on the edge of their seats. Yahaba pretends like he’s not interested, but he’s taking a _really_ long time to tighten his laces, one ear on the conversation.

Watari and Kyoutani bounce a ball between them casually, not a care in the world for the chaos going on on the other side of the net. Mostly because Watari knows it will work out okay in the end, and Kyoutani doesn’t care in the slightest.

Kindaichi nervously approaches from behind, ready to step in if Iwaizumi loses his temper and attempts to throttle Oikawa. It seems a likely reality, considering the veins on his forehead in practically pulsing. Kunimi… Records it. He has his phone out ready, whispered snickers as he taps the screen to zoom in on their Captain and Ace.

“It’s… Uh… Hard to explain?”

“Oikawa, what the _hell_ did you break this time?” Oikawa takes a deep breath. In one swift movement, he pushes Iwaizumi’s hands off his shoulders, nudges Iwaizumi back with his good knee, and turns to flee towards the equipment cupboard.

“The cooking bowl, the mixer, the oven rack, the lightbulbs, and a floor tile!” 

“ _ **OIKAWAAAAAA!!!!**_ ” With a yelp of surprise, Kindaichi _just_ manages to grab Iwaizumi in time, arms looped under Iwaizumi’s own, lifting him slightly off the floor - unintentionally of course, he’s just that tall.

Thanks to Kindaichi’s intervention, Oikawa makes his escape into the equipment cupboard, going on to live another day rather than perish in Iwaizumi’s hands. 

“Stop!!! Making life difficult!!! For auntie!!!” 

“I didn’t mean to! I followed a recipe this time! I followed _instructions_!!!”

“Like hell you did!” When Iwaizumi stops struggling with murderous intent, Kindaichi lets him down with a small, somewhat terrified apology. Iwaizumi pats his upper arm reassuringly before he marches over to the equipment cupboard and bangs on the door.

“Open up.”

“No one’s home!” Iwaizumi’s eyebrow twitches. He raps his knuckles against the door much calmer.

“Knock knock.”

“... Who’s there?”

“Who do you _think_?” A muffled snort from behind the door, and then, Oikawa sing-song’s;

“Who do you think _who_ ~?” Rolling his eyes, Iwaizumi shakes his head very slightly, but there’s no denying that his lips twitch up in amusement.

“Who do you think always has to take care your messes, huh, dumbass?” 

“Hey! I resent that! I tidy up after myself too!” Oikawa makes a slight judgemental error in his irritation, pushing the door open just enough to stick his head out and poke his tongue out at Iwaizumi. 

Iwaizumi instantly takes the opportunity to ruffle his hair, messing it up with a maniacal cackle. Oikawa stares at him dryly, unimpressed.

“... You know full well I forgot to bring my hairbrush to school today.”

“You know full well I wasn’t letting you go unpunished for destroying the kitchen~.”

“It’s _my_ kitchen!!!” Oikawa’s screech goes ignored as Iwaizumi waltzes back to the court, getting into position to practice once more. The rest of the team take that as the signal to start focusing again, even as Oikawa huffs under his breath before stepping into the setter position.

They may as well do some spiking/blocking drills.

When the coaches enter the gymnasium a little late, they nod in pride at how Oikawa leads the drills, probably one of the best captains Aobajousai has ever had. Mizoguchi does raise an eyebrow at the bird’s nest of a hairstyle Oikawa now sports, but then, he’s seen much weirder from these 9 boys. 

The time they started a ‘down with capitalism’ satanic ritual atop a mountain stands out in the back of his mind.

Or the time Yahaba threw an onion at Kyoutani and Kyoutani proceeded to bite into it, and peel it apart layer by layer with an ominous glare. 

Or when Hanamaki fit his head into a camel’s mouth.

So yes, Mizoguchi has seen much weirder than Oikawa with untidy hair, despite how he likes to impress his peers.

“Gather round, boys.” Irihata smiles as the children drop whatever they’re doing, and obediently flock to him - like chicks to a hen. They stand in an organised semi-circle around him and Mizoguchi, the exact same order they always do.

A subconscious thing, maybe?

“We’ll be ending practice a little early today. Since the first years have diagnostics testing tomorrow, we’ll be giving you time to study-” He nods towards Kindaichi and Kunimi, both of them looking rather exhausted at the sheer mention of the diagnostics-

“And you the time to tutor them.” He directs his gaze to the second and third years. Matsukawa looks like he wants to protest, but Mizoguchi cuts him off sharply.

“Even if you failed your own, you’ll have areas of strength where others fall behind. This is one way of building teamwork, whilst also helping out your juniors. Make the most of it.” Irihata nods at the phrasing, before turning back to the team with his smile growing into a grin.

“That said, the early finish gives you plenty of time to celebrate a certain someone’s birthday as well~.”

“Our lord and saviour Kusakabe Misao.”

“Makki, _no_!!! It’s me! My birthday!” Hanamaki fixes Oikawa with a deadpan look.

“Kusakabe Misao.”

“Why are you even still watching Lucky☆Star?! It’s 12 years old!”

“You’re 18, and yet, you’re still here.” Oikawa blinks with a complete lack of expression, looking for all the world like his brain momentarily stopped working.

“... I’m not an anime character, Makki, you fucking _walnut_.” 

“Are you sure?” Watari grins as he leans around to speak directly to Oikawa, who only freezes for a split second, furrowing his brow.

“What does that mean?” Catching onto the wave of mischief, Kyoutani snorts.

“You _would_ like to know.”

“Wh- What does that _**mean**_? Kyouken, I’m shaking, what does that fucking mean!?” Leaving their captain to guess, the rest of the team disperse, snickers and chuckles amongst them. Oikawa’s gaze darts to the coaches, but Mizoguchi simply shrugs and Irihata gestures for Oikawa to lead the practice. 

Pouting, Oikawa strides back to the court. He glances over the others, patiently waiting for his orders. A devious spark flickers in his eyes. He smiles sweetly, a chirrup in his voice.

“Makki, Kyouken, Watacchin, on the other side of the net, please~.” The three in question glace at each other, suddenly regretting their earlier teasing. Kyoutani looks ready to bolt out the door. Watari forces a nervous laugh, whilst Hanamaki shuffles reluctantly over to the other side of the net.

“S- Surely it’s impractical to have just us three over there? And- And it’s not the best combination?” Oikawa’s grin has Watari suddenly fear for his life.

“You’re not going to disobey your kind, generous captain on his _birthday_ , are you?”

“Nope! No, I’m- I’m moving. Going. Just- yup.” Yahaba laughs as Watari darts past him, grabbing Kyoutani’s elbow on the way and dragging him into place. Without words, Oikawa organises for the rest of the team to line up on the backline of his side of the court. Then, he passes out balls to them. Hanamaki immediately sees where this is going.

“Oh no.” Oikawa takes his own ball from the basket, spinning it around in his hands and shooting a smirk over his shoulder, teeth glinting like fangs.

“Oh yes~.” He smacks the ball a couple of times, takes his place in the line, trying to ignore the small giggles erupting down the line as _everyone_ catches on to what’s about to happen. 

“Oh no, no no no, nononono-”

“Pelt them.” Relentless serve after serve is sent towards the three, laughter ringing out as ball after ball is scooped off the ground and served straight towards them. At some point, Matsukawa adds a playful insult to a serve aimed at Hanamaki, and Iwaizumi gives some kind of warcry as he smacks one towards Kyoutani, and from there on, it landslides.

Playful insults, begs for mercy, laughs and harmless screeches echo back and forth as Watari, Hanamaki and Kyoutani give up on trying to receive the onslaught and go more on a dodgeball tangent, catching balls and throwing them back over the net.

It’s all just a bit of fun. The fun ends with all 9 of them slumped on the gymnasium floor, gross and sweaty, panting like they’ve just run a marathon. There’s still breathy giggles here and there, but it’s mostly just heavy breathing.

“Alright you soggy little hooligans! Get up, clean up, and get out! You have 20 minutes until I lock the gym doors and if you’re not out by then, you’re staying overnight!” Mizoguchi slings towels at them where they lay, content at the exhausted ‘okaaaay’ that chimes back in lazy unison.

“Don’t forget to rehydrate.” With those kind words, Irihata moves off to the sports office, whilst Mizoguchi heads to the teachers lounge to pick up the keys from a drawer at his desk. 

Slowly, one by one, the boys peel their sweaty backs from the wooden floor, groaning at the movement - or indeed - at their new bruises. Turns out, being pelted with powerful serves left red marks that would eventually yellow and then purple.

“Uuuurgh… Oikawa, you couldn’t have held back the _tiniest_ bit? I have bruises on my bruises where bruises shouldn’t be! And I’m pretty sure you were trying to kill us, Iwaizumi!” With a grunt as he pushes himself to his feet, Iwaizumi gently nudges a ball in Hanamaki’s direction so it lightly brushes his hip.

“You’re just weak~.”

“You could have decapitated us!”

“I aimed for chest and legs, thank you very much!” Kindaichi, Yahaba, and Iwaizumi do most of the ball collecting, whilst Matsukawa and Oikawa take down the net. Kunimi _somehow_ drags himself across the floor, fetching the specialised brooms from the equipment cupboard. 

He drops them by Kyoutani, Watari, and Hanamaki, and the four of them start on sweeping up the gym, getting rid of their footprints and puddles of sweat. Once the net, poles, and balls are put away, it’s a quick trip to the changing room before they’re all flocking outside, waiting for each other on the gymnasium steps.

Kindaichi and Kunimi are the last out, Kunimi lagging behind in exhaustion as Kindaichi ushers him out. There’s no telling how serious Mizoguchi was about locking them in for the night. According to the third years, when they were just first years, their own captain once got locked in overnight because he fell asleep in the changing room.

“Let’s go, let’s go, let’s _go_!!! I wanna bake this cake!” Iwaizumi is quick to grab the back of Oikawa’s shirt collar before he can sprint off in enthusiasm.

“Hold up, Crappykawa. You’ve already destroyed Auntie’s kitchen once. You’re _not_ doing it again.” Oikawa makes a strange ‘gwerk’ sound at his collar around his neck, rubbing at his throat once Iwaizumi has released him, pouting slightly with narrowed eyes.

“Well then, where _are_ we supposed to bake?” He looks around for volunteers, but no one is willing to sacrifice their house to the horrors that Oikawa can wield in a kitchen. He once disassembled a blender unintentionally with a _toothbrush_. Why he even had a toothbrush in the kitchen in the first place was a question no one asked because they didn’t want to know the answer.

Luckily for Oikawa, despite the team knowing about his catastrophes in the kitchen, there’s one person who hasn’t been with them long enough to understand Oikawa’s destruction is _not_ a one or two time fling.

“Guess you can use my place. Kitchen’s big enough t’ fit all of us.”

“... Are you _sure_ , Kyoutani? Even with the rest of us there, keeping Oikawa from causing some kind of mess is… Impossible.” Kyoutani shrugs, too busy looking at his phone to notice the wary glances of his senpai.

“Sure. Mess can be cleaned, so… Whatever.” Iwaizumi frowns in concern, eyebrows pinched, but Oikawa bounces on his toes in excitement and Hanamaki leans against his shoulder casually whilst Matsukawa slaps a hearty hand on Kyoutani’s back.

“Lead the way.” Rolling his eyes, Kyoutani tucks his phone away and leads the rest of the team through the streets. Their voices fill the surroundings with casual chatter and gentle laughter, and Kyoutani relaxes. It feels nice to be included in this, rather than having people quietly avoid him. 

“Oh!! Kyoutani-Senpai, you live really close to me!” Kindaichi speeds up into a little jog to catch up to Kyoutani, right by his side, and Kyoutani tries to hide his tiny smile at how enthusiastic the first year is. 

“Oh, really?” He runs his hands over a wooden fence alongside a field as they walk, sheep munching on the grass in the paddock. Ducks fly overhead, towards the rice paddies about a mile away. This tiny stretch of countryside, right on the edge of town, is a wonderful retreat.

“Mhm~! Right over there!” He points to the block of tiny apartments in the distance, just visible over the farm shops on the other side of the road. They’re only two stories high, and 5 across, but the lower story have small gardens, and the upper row have balconies. But they’re _tiny_.

“You live alone?” 

“Yeah, it was kinda the closest I could get to the school that wasn’t too expensive. I help Shirashi-san out at the docks before school so I can pay rent~.” Kyoutani’s eyes widen and his head turns to Kindaichi so quickly that it’s a miracle it didn’t hurt.

“You help on the _docks_?”

“Umm… Yeah? I bring the nets in and tie the boats to their moorings and stuff…” For a moment, Kyoutani fumbles for word, moving his hands around as if they can help him pluck the words from thin air. He can hear a few snickers from behind, Kunimi, Matsukawa, and Yahaba having stopped their conversation to eavesdrop.

“... ‘Splains why you’re pretty strong.” 

“I’m… Not really?” Another elongated, deadpan stare. Kindaichi tilts his head curiously, a slight red coming to the tips of his ears as he begins to fluster. Before it can get too bad though, Iwaizumi whacks him on the back with a boyish grin and huff of a laugh.

“What Kyoutani means is that your part-time job explains how you can lift Kunimi with no effort whatsoever.”

“Oh, I- Uh… Y-Yes! I mean, no! I mean, uh, I-!” His face is full on red now, looking like a tomato about to explode, and it raises a few laughs. Oikawa pinches Iwaizumi’s cheek as he jogs to catch up.

“Mean, Iwa-chan~. Look what your teasing has done to him.” Iwaizumi lightly punches him in the ribs, just enough to warn Oikawa to let go of his cheek. Laughing, Oikawa takes a large side-step and falls back into his place in the group, content to not be at the front for once.

Besides, it’s not like he knows where Kyoutani lives.

“We’re here.” Ah, well. Now he does.

Where the fence Kyoutani had been running his hand along ends, there’s a large entrance leading into a farmhouse, with the option to take a dirt path to the barn instead, or follow the broken stone walkway to a storage shed.

“You live on a _farm_?!” Yahaba’s exclamation is not unexpected, nor is Watari’s wide eyed stare, or the surprise rippling through the third years. Kunimi is unaffected, or rather, not bothered at all. He’d guessed as much. Likely, Kindaichi already knew too. Kunimi seemed to tell him everything.

“Where’dyou _think_ I keep those dumb goats I keep talking about?” At those words, Hanamaki instantly perks up.

“Wait, do we get to meet Zeus? Cus I really need to meet this dumbass goat!”

“Thought you already had a mirror, Makki.” Hanamaki playfully lunges towards Oikawa, but Iwaizumi pokes him in the back of his knees, and he goes down like a rock in deep water. The split second Hanamaki’s knees and palms hit the floor, Kunimi sits on his back like he’s a bench. Matsukawa ruffles Kunimi’s hair playfully, but lo and behold, Kunimi’s hair is knotted and Matsukawa’s fingers get stuck.

Oikawa bursts into ugly guffaws, laughing so hard that he bends over at the waist, and Iwaizumi has to pat his back to stop him choking. Kindaichi flusters at the sight of Kunimi treating their senpai so disrespectfully, but in trying to pull Kunimi off Hanamaki’s back, instead ends up pulled forwards so he trips _over_ Hanamaki, legs up in the air.

To make matters worse, somehow - _somehow_ \- And Kyoutai has no idea why, Yahaba has for some reason decided to give Watari a piggy-back ride. Watari has his phone held up as high as he can, landscape and ready to take a photo. It looks like some chaotic renaissance painting.

That’s the exact moment Kyoutani’s dad steps outside the house.

“... Oh hey, you brought friends round!” With a scowl, Kyoutani shrinks in on himself lightly, blushing. How he wishes the ground could swallow him whole! His dad has the worst timing. Or the best, depending on whether he wanted a good first impression or the _accurate_ impression.

“Mhm. S’my team.”

“I look forwards to meeting them~. Right now I’ve gotta pick up Kaida and take her to Karate, so maybe if they stick around…?” 

“Sure. Can we use the kitchen?” Kyoutani’s dad grins, slinging what looks like a little girl’s rucksack over his shoulder. Kyoutani knows it’s his little sister’s karate kit. She may like pink and glitter and sparkles, but she was as ferocious as the dragon she was named after.

“You know the rules. I don’t care how much mess you make, as long as you fix what’s broken and clean up what’s dirty~.” The corners of Kyoutani’s lips twitch into a smile.

“Cool. Thanks, Dad, love you.”

“Love you too, bud! See you later!” Kyoutani’s dad ruffles his son’s hair, plants a quick kiss on his forehead, before he strides off humming to go pick his daughter up. The faint smile and blush on Kyoutani’s face doesn’t fade, until he hears Matsukawa give a low whistle.

“You’re a total softie in front of your dad, huh?”

“Shut your trap. He’s my dad, of course I love him.” Oikawa nods in acknowledgement.

“You have a great dad, Kyouken-chan. He seems fun!” Grumbling under his breath, Kyoutani drags his feet up to the front door, taking off his shoes in the genkan and rummaging through the guest slippers for the rest of the team. Luckily, since his dad had taken up volleyball at a local hobby club to better understand his son, they had some fairly large slippers to lend.

“Here. Carry your shoes through to the back if you wanna see the goats first.” Hanamaki and Kindaichi are the first to jam their feet into their slippers and look expectantly up at Kyoutani, as if they were puppies and he was dangling a steak in front of them. He can’t help the small snort of laughter.

“What are you, 5? Just walk through to the back ‘n’ I’ll show you the way in a minute.”

“Well, serves me right for showing good manners for once in my life.” Hanamaki waltzes off, hands behind his head, but Kindaichi takes another encouraging nudge, and a continuous push from Kunimi.

Being the responsible captain, Oikawa waits until last to make sure everyone get sin the house safely before putting his own guest slippers on. His exterior is calm, but on the inside, he’s _buzzing_.

They’re here! They’re allowed in the kitchen! They get to bake his birthday cake!!!!

“Calm down, Shittykawa~. You look like you’re either constipated or imploding.” Iwaizumi puts a hand on Oikawa’s head, as if trying to pin him down to the ground. Oikawa shakes it off, poking at Iwaizumi’s shoulder.

“I do not! And how are you _not_ excited? We’re baking!”

“Yeah, that’s why. I’ve seen what you can do.” The repulsion on Iwaizumi’s face is clear, from the grimace to the upturned lip to the deep furrow of his eyebrows. Oikawa splutters, smacking his shoulder a little harder.

“Stop thinking of the worst times, Iwa-chan! I do okay when Makki is supervising…” Iwaizumi pauses. Thinks. Shrugs.

“I guess. Make sure you follow his instructions exact today. This isn’t your kitchen to break.” 

“I know that!” Whining under his breath, Oikawa follows Iwaizumi through to the back door where they change slippers for shoes again and jog to catch up with the others. A long grassy path leads to a smaller paddock than the one they passed on the walk to the farmhouse, and Oikawa can already spot baby goats bouncing around on haybales.

One of them - a sundgau patterned kid with tiny, developing horns - leaps from the top bale with a shake of the head and promptly falls straight to the floor clumsily. Oikawa and Iwaizumi look at each other in unison.

“That’s Zeus.”

“Zeus.” Picking up the pace, they subconsciously race to catch up with the team, skidding to a stop just before colliding with Watari, who only smiles at them as Kyoutani answers enthusiastic questions from Kindaichi and intentionally stupid questions from Matsukawa.

It makes sense that Kindaichi is enthusiastic. On his birthday the month before, Kyoutani had given him a picture of Zeus, and told him that was his kid. So whilst the goat stays at the farm and Kindaichi hasn’t met him yet, that’s technically his goat. Oikawa sighs wistfully.

“D’you think Kyouken-chan will give me a farm animal for my birthday? I could see myself with the most elegant mare in the barn, or a cuddly rabbit with long ears.”

“Maybe a gosling.” 

“Kunimi-chan!!! That’s so rude!” 

“Yeah, but he’s not wrong.” Oikawa fixes a betrayed glare on Yahaba, who innocently whistles and looks the other way. Iwaizumi just laughs, and Watari _tries_ to hide the fact he’s laughing.

“Hey idiots. Shut up. Zeus won’t respond if he doesn’t hear exactly one thing and only one thing. He’s a dumb goat like that.”

“ _I love him already_...” Kindaichi’s whisper of glee is the last thing anyone says before Kyoutani takes a deep breath.

“Oi, Kumquat breath!” None of the other sprightly little goats react, but Zeus stops, look over at them, and looks the sky. He unleashes this incredibly human-like scream. Once his scream fades out, leaving the team in stitches, the baby skips over to the fence with a little hop in his back legs. 

Kyoutani leans over the fence and scoops him up with a grunt of effort. Zeus proceeds to wiggle until Kyoutani puts him down, and then decides to headbutt the fence. Of course, as has happened multiple times before, his stubby little horns get stuck. 

“Oh my god, he really _is_ as fucking dumb as you said!” 

"Yeah. I don’t talk for the sound of my own voice, like _some_ people.” All eyes turn to Yahaba, who opens his mouth to refute before closing it again and puffing out his cheeks in annoyance. Kunimi claps his hands over Yahaba’s cheeks from behind, making him splutter and cough.

Ignoring that - or rather, preoccupied with something else - Oikawa moves to crouch next to where Kindaichi’s sitting on the ground, his arms open as Zeus is freed from the fence by Kyoutani, and bounds over to knock his blunt horns against Kindaichi’s chest instead.

“Oof! He’s strong!” 

“Yeah, baby goats are. And he’s only a month an’ a bit old. He’ll be fully grown in about 12 weeks.” Zeus puts his tiny hooves on Kindaichi’s chest and reaches up, stretching towards his hair with the intention to grab a bite. Oikawa gently nudges the goat down again with a kind smile. 

“I love him, senpai! He’s the best goat ever! He’s dumb as shit and I love him!” Kyoutani laughs quietly under his breath as Zeus gets a loving hug from his new owner (although he’ll continue to live on the farm), Oikawa fighting tooth and nail to keep the idiotstick away from Kindaichi’s hair.

“You’re welcome.” Oikawa pats Zeus on the head before Kyoutani takes him back, depositing the kid back on the enclosure side of the fence.

“We’ll prob’ly hear him scream a few times whilst we bake. Stupid shit thinks screaming at anything that moves is a defense tactic.”

“Anything?”

“ _Anything_. His playmates, dragonflies, clouds… The grass in a slight breeze. Anything that moves.” Kyoutani’s amusement is only reinforced by Zeus staring up at him, bleating, and then headbutting the fence from the inside of his enclosure.

“... You dumb fuckin’ moron~.”

“Speaking of dumb fucking morons…” Playfully, Iwaizumi nudges his knee against Oikawa’s shoulder, before Oikawa can stand up with a huff as snorts and giggles echo around the team. Still, there’s a way he can turn this back on Iwaizumi.

“Was there something you needed, Iwa-chan?” Iwaizumi’s nose scrunches up at Oikawa’s twist, but even he can’t stop himself from grinning. There’s a good mood in the air, and although he’s not sure whether that’s due to Oikawa’s birthday or not, Iwaizumi can’t deny that it’s infectious. 

“Ooooh, Iwaizumi got played!” 

“Damn, Iwaizumi, you gonna take that?” Iwaizumi shoots Hanamaki and Matsukawa a look that insinuates he’s insulting them, and they quieten to snickers.

“What I _meant_ was, should we start this baking experiment or not?” 

“Yes we should! Captain’s orders!” Oikawa’s excitement is childlike and eager, and he hops on his toes a little bit. They’re going to bake!!!

“Flour ‘n’ sugar ‘n’ stuff is in the kitchen. Still needs eggs though. Oi, Watari, you’re the least likely to break something, come get eggs with me.” Watari gasps in sheer delight, throwing his arms into the air as he jumps forwards to Kyoutani’s side.

“CHICKENS!” Without another word, although Kyoutani does snort in amusement, those two take off towards the coops. For a moment, there’s a beat of silence. 

“So… What do we do now Kyoutani’s ditched us on his own farm?” A few mumbles answer Yahaba’s question, but no-one seems sure of themselves, until Kunimi slinks back towards the house.

“I’m tired. It’s too hot. I’m waiting indoors.”

“K-Kunimi!! We don’t know if we’re allowed back in yet!” Fixing his best friend with a deadpan look, Kunimi holds a palm out flat towards the house.

“Do you really think Senpai would have left the back door open if we weren’t allowed back in?”

“He’s got a point… and hey, I’m burning, so I’m gonna head inside too.” Hanamaki slings an unwelcome arm around Kunimi’s shoulders and unceremoniously drags him back towards the house. Not that Kunimi protests. He’s going in the same direction, and he wants _out_ of the sun. With a shrug, Yahaba starts to trail after them. Oikawa is quick to sprint ahead, eager to start baking, and Iwaizumi instantly takes that as a challenge to race.

Matsukawa places his hands on Kindaichi’s shoulders and steers him towards the house persuasively, since he still seems hesitant about entering without given permission. Oikawa is completely the opposite to that, and heads into the kitchen with no qualms. 

“We need flour, sugar, baking powder, baking soda, milk, and vanilla essence!”

“Making yourself at home, Oikawa?” Oikawa pulls his head back out of the cupboard he’s shoved it into, shooting a soft glare at where Kunimi sits cross-legged on the kitchen floor.

“Says the one who’s claimed the tile floor as his own.” Kunimi shrugs, leaning back against the cupboards opposite.

“It’s cold. I need it.”

“And I need cake so no judging me for ingredient-searching.” Although he pulls a face, Kunimi simply lets it be and flops back on the kitchen floor so the cool temperature can chill his much-too-warm back. Summer _sucks_.

“Mind if I join you?” Lazily, Kunimi opens one eye. Matsukawa takes that as an answer and drops to the floor next to him.

“I can’t fucking _wait_ for autumn.”

“Mhm. I prefer winter.”

“Ah yes, the season as cold as your heart.”

“And lifeless as my inner self.” Concerned glances are sent Kunimi’s way, but he’s just resting there. Lazing. Chilling. Yahaba awkwardly clears his throat to break the sudden tension.

“Well, that’s…. Let’s not linger on that. Oikawa-Senpai! How’s the ingredient collecting going?”

“Perfect!” Oikawa stands up quickly, arms full of bags of caster sugar, granulated sugar, icing sugar, self-raising flour, plain flour, and cocoa powder. It’s inevitable, in standing up so quickly, that one slips from his grasp and plops right onto the floor, the top opening up and sending a cloud of white into Oikawa’s face.

He blinks with wide, stunned eyes, and coughs. A small white cloud escapes as he coughs. Luckily, it was only the plain flour and not the self-raising flour they’d need, but every inch of Oikawa’s front from his trousers to the ends of his fringe are powdered in white. 

The first to break the silence is Iwaizumi, who chokes back a laugh and buries his face in his elbow, trying to muffle his laugh as his shoulders shake. Hanamaki’s cheeks puff out with a loud ‘PFFFT-’, and when Iwaizumi breaks into loud guffaws, Hanamaki is the first to follow. It doesn’t take long for Kindaichi and Matsukawa to follow, although they politely muffle their laughter.

Yahaba is trying his absolute best to hold it back, but it’s hard to keep the amusement out of his voice as he comes over to brush the flour out of Oikawa’s face and take some of the bags out of his arms.

“D-Don’t mind, Senpai~.”

“... You’re laughing, Yahaba-chan.”

“Only a little~...”

“The only one who isn’t is Kunimi-chan, and that’s because he’s pretty much asleep!”

“I’m laughing inside.”

“ _Kunimi-chan!!!!_ ”

“What the fuck is going on in here?” Kyoutani raises an eyebrow at the utter chaos as he enters, Watari peering over his shoulder with a basket full of eggs. Iwaizumi opens his mouth to answer, but it’s like the scene replays over again in his head and he laughs harder, wheezing and hunching over.

Oikawa wears a deadpan expression as he pats Iwaizumi’s back.

“Ignore them. They’re laughing at my misfortune.” Watari regards the gigglers in amusement before innocently tilting his head as he grins at his Captain.

“That’s nothing new~.” Oikawa splutters as Kyoutani barks out a short, loud laugh, clapping Watari on the back.

“Kick a man whilst he’s down. Nice. On his _birthday_ , no less.” With a deep sigh, Oikawa resigns himself to trying to shake the flour off his trousers, Yahaba somewhat helping by brushing it off his shirt and blazer. At least now he looks pasty, rather than buried in the powder.

“Can we please just bake this cake? It’s not worth cleaning up beforehand because someone’s bound to make more mess.”

“That a confession?”

“No, I was talking about Oikawa-senpai.”

“Betrayal!” Yahaba only laughs as Oikawa pokes him in the ribs. Kyoutani sighs at the mess, knowing full well that it’s only going to get _worse_. But somehow, he finds himself content rather than irritated. 

“Let’s just get this disaster over with.” Watari places the basket of eggs on the counter next to the surviving cake ingredients, and Kyoutani opens a small cupboard to pull out a stack of generic aprons. Oikawa perks up as he’s passed one, instantly pulling it over his head and tying it elegantly behind his back.

Once everyone is wearing an apron, he claps his hands with a bright grin.

“Let’s get baking!!!”


	2. Things that should not exist, including peeled eggs, sugar-free gummy bears, and whatever the hell Oikawa's created.

At Hanamaki’s insistence, they had split into three little groups defined by year group. It was a good idea to minimise mess, he thought. This way, he could supervise all of them, he thought. Nothing could go wrong, _he thought_.

Hanamaki thought wrong.

The first years were doing fantastic! They were in charge of cupcakes, because Hanamaki trusted them the most. Kunimi was doing all of the weighing and measuring of ingredients, whilst Kindaichi was doing the muscle work of mixing, folding the batter whilst steadily adding the ingredients together. 

The only time Hanamaki had to intervene was when Kunimi tried to add ‘shiratorizawa purple’ food colouring to the batter. (He compromised by letting Kunimi make the cupcake icing purple instead.)

The second years were working on one of the tiers of the cake. Since Oikawa wanted a traditional two layer cake, it had been split in half between the second and third years.

Yahaba knew what he was doing, since he was keen on baking with his five younger siblings. It also meant he was used to corralling children, which was great, because Watari was in rather high spirits and that meant he was going to be _cheeky_.

Somehow, he had convinced Kyoutani to join him in messing around. 

“Add 4 eggs - no, not whole! - and whisk until smooth… Watari!!! Crack the eggs first!”

“Peel them.” Yahaba shoots Kyoutani a glare, the latter only smirking.

“ _Crack_ the eggs.”

“Peel them.” Unfortunately for Yahaba, Watari does indeed attempt to ‘peel’ an egg, carefully removing tiny flakes of the shell and leaving the membrane in one piece. Yahaba deadpan stares at him, waiting for Watari to look up from his little project, tongue sticking out the corner of his mouth, and realise he was just wasting time.

And whilst Yahaba is occupied? Kyoutani empties the entire _2kg_ bag of chocolate chips into the mix and stirs it quickly, so they can’t be removed. Yahaba whips his head to the mixing bowl with a scandalised gasp and grabs grinning Kyoutani by the collar, glaring with a heavy pout. Hanamaki intervenes with a nervous laugh.

“N-Now, now, children, let’s all get along? Baking is a _happy_ , co-operative activity!”

“I peeled the egg!” Watari holds his achievement high in the air, cupped in both hands. Gravity, kindly deciding to fuck everything up, pulls the ‘peeled’ egg down Watari’s arms and the slimy mess collides with his apron, the membrane ripping open, and raw egg painting his entire front.

“...Oh.” His heartbroken expression lingers for only a second before drifting hopefully towards the remaining eggs in their container.

“No!”

“Watari, I swear to _god_!” Yahaba grabs Watari’s wrists and pulls him away from the eggs, Hanamaki shuffling around to confiscate them. He makes sure to pass the eggs one at a time to Yahaba, who sensibly cracks them and adds them to the mix.

Of course, this leaves Watari and Kyoutani to their own devices, which might be the _worst_ idea as they try to sneakily pocket as many things as they can before Yahaba reaches for the baking powder and it’s not there.

The silent rage seethes from him and Hanamaki quickly steps out of range, leaving him to hiss an extremely volatile and threatening rant at his two very proud, self-satisfied friends.

But if the second years were getting into that much chaos, and they weren’t the worse…

Hanamaki takes a deep breath, trying to find inner peace before scooching over to where his fellow third years are… Baking? Stirring potions? Opening the gates to hell?

Yeah, probably the last one.

“Gummy bears! We should add gummy bears!”

“Are you dumb, Dummykawa? _Hundreds and thousands_ is the way to go.” 

“What about strawberries?” Iwaizumi, Oikawa, and Matsukawa look at each other like they’re about to start fighting, but then shrug in unison and each add copious amounts of their own choice. The bowl is more sweets and fruit and things that don’t belong in cake than it is batter.

Hanamaki groans and slides a hand down his face.

“I honestly don’t want to put that anywhere near the oven…”

“Tough luck, Makki~! This is gonna be great! It’s going to be fantastic, it’s going to be- Iwa-chan, stop tasting the batter!” Iwaizumi pauses, finger covered in a glob of the raw batter, mouth open. He meets Oikawa’s eyes and eats it anyways. Hanamaki groans again, this time with disgust.

“For fucks sake, that has _raw egg_ in it.”

“So?” 

“You’re practically shovelling salmonella in your mouth.”

“I’ve licked the bowl every single time I’ve baked a cake in the history of ever. Am I dead? No. Am I sick? No. Have I ever had salmonella? Nope. Therefore, you can’t stop me.” Iwaizumi reaches for the bowl again, but this time, Matsukawa slaps his hand away.

“Hey, we need _some_ left to bake. Actually… We need a lot more than this.” Without waiting for Hanamaki to guide them in what they should do, Matsukawa grabs the bag of self-raising flour and pours it in.

Without a sieve.

On top of the layer of sweets. 

“You-! What-? I give up! You three are beyond help! Kindaichi, Kunimi, make a second tier for this cake, please?!”

“Yes, Senpai!”

“Should we call poison control too?” Hanamaki frowns, looking between Kunimi and… Whatever it is that Iwaizumi, Matsukawa, and Oikawa have created. 

“I- Not yet… But look up the number just in case…”

“Oh, fuck you. We haven’t done that bad.”

“Tell me what you put in there.” At Hanamaki’s dangerously deadpan glare, the trio guiltily avert their eyes, Iwaizumi pretending to be interested in stirring the mix, Matsukawa fiddling with the dials on the oven, and Oikawa whistling innocently as he empties a _second_ bag of sugar into the-

No. No wait. That’s not sugar. Oh _god_ , that’s not sugar!

“Umm…” Hanamaki slaps a hand over Kindaichi’s mouth before he can point out what the miscreants have done. If they’re going to be dumb enough to add _salt_ by the boatload to their cake, then they can suffer the consequences once it’s baked.

“What the _hell_ did you put in there that you’re trying to keep secret from me?” There’s no answer, just more guilt. Hanamaki shoulders his way through, ignoring Oikawa’s whine of ‘no, my cake!’, and hesitantly lifts the wooden spoon out of the batter a couple of times, until he finds what he’s looking for.

Hanamaki.exe has stopped working.

Kyoutani and Yahaba peer over, Yahaba bursting into pained laughter - the kind that comes from ‘we will die’ scenarios, and Kyoutani flinches away in repulsion with an expression of such intense disgust, he looks 20 years older.

“Did you seriously put one of those 90’s alien egg things in there?!” Matsukawa sweats as he grabs the open egg-shaped capsule from the countertop, passing it to Oikawa behind his back. Oikawa throws them across the kitchen. Iwaizumi looks at them in betrayal.

“I thought you said we’d put that _inbetween_ the layers?”

“But then you can’t cut it open and have the alien pop out!” 

“That’s stupid, you can’t have it on one of the tiers, it’s gotta be in the middle!” By this point, as Oikawa and Iwaizumi start bantering, Matsukawa making unhelpful interjections, Hanamaki has his head in his hands and tries to hold back the urge to _sob_.

They’re so… Stupid… His friends are so stupid. Oh god, they should never be allowed near a kitchen… Why was this even allowed? Who permitted their existence…?

“So- So stupid… So freaking stu- stupid…”

“You’re crying, senpai.” Watari pats his shoulder reassuringly and passes over a tissue. Yahaba seems to be trying to calm the three stooges down, but Iwaizumi and Oikawa are grabbing at each others hair, pulling each others cheeks, and Matsukawa is flicking cake batter onto them via a mixing whisk.

Kindaichi tries to take the whisk from him, and ends up with cake batter smeared down the front of his face, a raisin dropping off his nose to the floor. Kunimi smugly huffs a laugh, knowing _exactly_ what’s coming next. He’s been friends with Kindaichi long enough to know that he can be downright _persuasive_.

“Why-… Why would you d-do that, senpaiiii…?” Tears well up in his eyes, his shoulders hunching up as he draws his hands up towards his chest, looking absolutely _heartbroken_. His breathing gets a little heavier and he hiccups. It has _**devastating**_ effect.

Matsukawa’s expression instantly switches to ‘oh shit’. Oikawa and Iwaizumi freeze on the spot. Hanamaki goes to intervene, but Kunimi pulls him back with a shake of his head.

Because Kindaichi is _acting_.

Little does the team know, but Kindaichi takes part in drama clubs outside of school, dragging Kunimi along to rehearsals. Kunimi occupies that time with the technical side of things, proud of his best friend whenever he gets speaking roles or significant parts. They’ve been going to the same club for 10 years.

Henceforth, Kindaichi is an excellent actor. (And singer, but that's not relevant.) Mostly because he puts a little bit of the truth into his acting. So, the tears might be fake, but he’s definitely upset at Matsukawa covering his face in the abomination batter.

“Shit, shit, shit- I’m sorry, shit, don’t cry! Oh god, oh fuck, no- please- C’mon Kindaichi, it’s just batter, I- I’ll get you a cloth or something-...” Matsukawa puts the whisk down, spinning round to the sink to frantically search for some kitchen towel or a rag or anything he can put under the tap to give to his underclassman.

Iwaizumi uses his sleeve. He wipes away the batter and tears with an unexpected gentleness, whilst Oikawa has one hand on Kindaichi’s shoulder and the other rubbing his back comfortingly. 

“You okay…?” Sniffling, Kindaichi nods and hums an affirmative under his breath - more of a whimpered squeak than anything else - as Iwaizumi takes a sopping wet cloth from Matsukawa to wipe away what remains.

“There we go. Maybe that’s a sign we all need to calm down now.” Hanamaki exhales in relief. _Bless_ these first years. Although…. It does make him question if they’ve ever manipulated _him_ before. 

Hm.  
Scary.

“Soooo… Can we bake these now?” Hanamaki’s hopes are dashed as Oikawa points a thumb towards the cake tin, the cupcake tray, and the definitely-not-from-this-world-disaster.

“We can bake the cupcakes, and we can bake what Yahaba, Watari, and Kyoutani made, but we are _not_ putting your biohazard in the oven at any cost.”

“Yeah, please don’t break my oven. M’dad is cool, generally, but he’d be pissed if we broke the oven.”

“Oh, come on! It’s just cake!” Iwaizumi pokes the back of Oikawa’s neck, making him draw his shoulders up with a shudder.

“This is Kyoutani’s house, Oikawa. Respect what he has to say. Besides, you’ll get a cake and cupcakes anyways, we don’t _need_ to bake this… Experiment.”

“... You say that, Iwa-chan, but you were as much a part of this as me and Mattsun.” With a boyish grin, chest puffed out in pride, Iwaizumi gives a huge thumbs up, practically sparkling on the spot.

“Damn right, I was~!” The distraction is efficient. No one takes notice of Matsukawa pouring the batter into a cake tin, smoothing the top over so it looks unsuspectingly like normal batter. It does mean all their additions and the lumpy bits are at the bottom, but he’s made it look like it means no harm.

In his rush though, Matsukawa has made two mistakes. 

Firstly, he forgot to grease the cake tin. No butter or margarine around the tin is going to make it incredibly hard to get out once it’s baked. _If_ it bakes at all. Because his second mistake is filling the cake tin up to the brim.

He slides it next to the one the second years have prepared, although theirs is significantly less full.

“So are we baking them or not?” The attention drawn back to the cakes by Kyoutani’s question, Hanamaki goes to answer before spotting the offending cake mix in a tin and whips a glare to the three troublemakers.

Or trouble _bakers._  
Mhm, yeah, that suits them.

“Do you seriously think I’m dumb enough to confuse your monstrosity with normal cake?” 

“Class 3.”

“Yup!”

“It _is_ a normal cake.” In all honesty, Hanamaki should have expected the quickfire responses that came his way. With a deadpan expression, Yahaba opens the oven door.

“They won’t stop until they get what they want. Just… Put it on the lowest shelf so it doesn’t contaminate ours.” Dubious glances are shared amongst the younger of the team, whilst Hanamaki turns to Kyoutani for permission. It’s his kitchen, after all.

“... I wanna know what fucking demon that thing summons. Chuck it in there.”

“Yes!!!!” Before Oikawa can lunge for the cake tin - which stands alone now Yahaba and Kunimi have put their own creations in the oven - Watari jumps in his path and Kindaichi instinctively picks him up from behind, under the arms.

It says something about their team when that’s a kneejerk reaction rather than a conscious decision. With a nervous smile, Watari fixes Kyoutani with an expression of pure desperation.

“Are you _sure_ , Kyou? Are you absolutely, 100%, definitely sure? Because you didn’t see what happened at Hanamaki’s place. Are you willing to sacrifice _everything_?” Kyoutani shrugs, though it’s clear that he’s amused by the begging, and insanely curious about what’s going to happen.

“Sure. They’re cleaning up their own messes, so why not?” Watari steps aside with a deep sigh and Kindaichi slowly, somewhat reluctantly, releases Oikawa. He _darts_ forwards, scooping up the cake tin with glee. 

So much glee, that his brain momentarily forgets how to make his hands work.

He drops it.

“ _Oikawa, holy **shit**_!!!!”

“It’s coming closer, get back!”

“Oh my god, why is it _chunky_? Like, minecraft level chunky?” 

“ _SHITTYKAWAAAAA!!!!_ ”

“Are- Are you okay?”

“... M- My cake…” Oikawa’s voice, barely above a whisper, is filled with so much heartbreak that any anger towards him instantly dissolves. Even Iwaizumi just sighs heavily, before clapping a hand on his best friend’s shoulder.

“It was probably for the best. C’mon, let’s wash your feet off.” Hanging his head low, Oikawa steps out of the sodden slippers, letting Iwaizumi guide him to the small washroom by the house entrance. 

Whilst they’re busy, the rest of the team start on cleaning up. Despite Kyoutani saying the idiots would have to clean up their own mess, he’s the one that hands out the cleaning supplies. Yahaba uses a broom to sweep the flour from earlier into a large pile, which Kunimi picks up with a dustpan and brush.

The other five mop and wipe up the spilt cake mixture, disposing of the chunky sweets and fruit in the food bin and constantly going outside to hose off the equipment. It’s just as Watari is emptying the bucket of mop water into the sink that he notices there’s still just enough batter left in the third year’s mixing bowl.

And the cake tin is right there…

Against his better judgement, he pours it in - this time filling it only about halfway. The gross, batter-covered ‘treats’ in there make him grimace and almost gag, but… Well, no one said he’d have to eat it.

“Hanamaki-senpai.” He waves Hanamaki over, who frowns at the mixture, but brightens up considerably knowing that this would make Oikawa’s birthday the best it could be. His heart has been set on a homebaked cake, specifically one he helped make, and now they can make sure he has one.

“There’s more sweets and shit than batter, so if we put it in now, it should be done around the same time. Nice save, Watari.” Carefully, Watari passes the cake tin over to Kunimi, since he’s closest to the oven, and the first year slides it in on the bottom rack with a hint of disgust in his expression.

Matsukawa sniffs at that. He _helped_ with that cake, thank you very much, there’s nothing to be disgusted at.

(There is.)  
(Oh, there definitely is.)

By the time Iwaizumi and Oikawa return - the latter in a clean pair of slippers - the mess has been cleaned up, and the team are sprawled casually around the living room area, chatting as they wait for the timer to go off.

Oikawa quite happily weeds his way between Yahaba and Kindaichi on the sofa, making himself very comfortable wedged between them, practically in their laps and using their shoulders as his pillow. Iwaizumi wanders over to where Kunimi sits on the floor by the outlet, charging up his phone with a burrowed cable. He gives the first year a small smile before turning his attention to Matsukawa’s story.

“- had me fearing for my life. I learnt to never intentionally bother the higher classes during statistics testing _ever again_.” There’s quiet laughter at Matsukawa’s expense, although Yahaba does sigh in exasperation.

“I have mine coming up at the end of the year.”

“Oh! Like you need to worry, Mr. 4th in class!”

“That’s exactly _why_ I need to worry! I don’t want to slip down, I need to be within the top 3 for the best college options!” Iwaizumi nods in sympathy.

“I’m generally about 6th in class. It’s hard to get back to the top once you slip down though. The only one who doesn’t have to worry is Oikawa…” Holding up a peace sign, Oikawa sticks his tongue out the corner of his mouth.

“He might be dumb, but he’s not stupid.”

“Iwa-chan! Don’t insult me whilst you’re complimenting me!” Under the loud laughter of the team at their Captain’s expense, there’s a notable ding. Kyoutani calmly gets up and goes over to the oven, well aware that he has 8 pairs of eyes on his back.

Cake turns these teenage boys into a ravenous hoard.

He’d found _that_ out on a trip to a bakery one day.

Kunimi alone had eaten 14 iced buns. _Kunimi_. _**Fourteen**_. The kid barely ate anything outside of that one trip!

Turning the oven off, he puts on his bright green oven gloves - not his own fashion choice, his dad’s - and pulls out the cupcakes.

“Wow. These look really fuckin’ good. Great job, Kunimi, Kindaichi.” 

“Oooosuuuu.”

“N-No! I mean yes! I mean-! Thank you, Senpai!!!” Yahaba gently teases the first year for his flustered response, whilst Kyoutani retrieves the cake tier baked by the duo - just as fantastic as the cupcakes - and the one he helped make with Yahaba and Watari.

“Ours looks a little overdone. Think we messed up somehow?”

“It was probably, oh I don’t know, the 2kg of chocolate chips?” Ignoring the sarcastic tone from the secondary setter - why are all setters so salty? Is it genuinely a thing or just coincidence? - Kyoutani blinks at the cake. He pokes at the crusty layer on top. It cracks, and melted chocolate oozes out from underneath.

“Hm. Forgot I put those in there.” Watari laughs, loud and bright, as Kyoutani returns to the oven with somewhat of a grimace.

_It_ smells terrible.

Like tar mixed with sugar, or burnt charcoal tossed into a puddle of sulphur. It doesn’t look that pleasant either. Dark brown cake batter - _what the hell did they put in there to achieve that???_ \- swirling with the distorted colours of gummy sweets, the occasional lump from where there was fruit or- or whatever gross things they had added for their own content.

“Well… No demon summoning, but… It’s not from this world.”

“Wait! Is that-?!” Oikawa seems to _teleport_ to his side, peering into the cake tin with nothing but adoration and unbridled excitement.

“Woah!!! My cake! Iwa-chan, Mattsun! It’s our cake layer!!! It looks _**great!!!**_ ” Kyoutani bites back an insult, not willing to rain on Oikawa’s parade. It’s his birthday, after all. (Not to mention he scares Kyoutani sometimes.)

“Uwaaah, you actually baked it?”

“Yeah, when you and Oikawa went to wash the batter off his feet. Good call, by the way, because I’m guessing that mix is similar to industrial battery acid.” Oikawa scoffs as he watches Kyoutani take the cakes out of their tins, placing them on a cooling rack.

“Seriously, Makki? It’s not going to corrode anything, it’s _edible_.” Chuckling low under his breath, Kunimi murmurs just loud enough for Iwaizumi to hear;

“We’ll see about that…” It’s slightly ominous. Iwaizumi shuffles away. He doesn’t have to make too much distance though, as Kunimi leaves his phone dangling from the charging cord and goes over to start on the icing. He _had_ been promised he could make it purple, after all.

“Out, senpai. I have to put this together.” 

“Wha-! It’s my cake! Let me watch!” 

“No.” With that short and simple reply, Oikawa returns to the living room, trying to peek at what Kunimi is doing, but being _somewhat_ controlled by Yahaba. He can’t stop Oikawa craning his neck around the doorframe, but he can stop him from leaving the room.

Kyoutani lingers on the other side of the doorframe anyways, ready with a box of matches for when they light the candles. 

(It’s not a _birthday_ cake until there’s burning pillars of wax involved.)

“We’ll bring through the Beastly Barbaric Bake first, so there’s cake to look forwards to in your disappointment.” With an expression of absolute repulsion, Kunimi brings the… Thing… Through on a plate, neatly sliced into 8 equal parts.

8, not 9, because there’s no way in _hell_ he’s going to try any.

“I had to use the meat cleaver to cut this vulgar aberration, so... Good luck, I guess.” The worst thing about this cake - the absolute _worst_ thing - is that it’s clearly tried to separate itself into two parts.

The top half is the dark brown batter, with streaks of lighter brown across it, like it’s been baked into a hockey puck and then lightly peeled in certain places. Kind of like a river delta pattern. Through the middle of this cake, the batter swirls and mixes in with what can only be toxic gloop.

Because the bottom half is bright neon green, with splotches of orange and red. That can only be the gummy sweets Oikawa added in. Trapped in the gummy prison is pretty much everything else they added, as well as what looks like… Rabbit droppings?

“Huh, I would have thought the chocolate would have melted off the raisins.” Matsukawa grins as he pokes at his slice with a form, watching it jiggle and the apparent raisin dance.

“... You put chocolate raisins in there?”

“Yeah. Sweets-wise, I wanted those and fruit polos.”

“I added ordinary polos because mint _rules_. Also, I never intended to eat this.” At least Iwaizumi is honest. Sighing in due amount of pain, Hanamaki fixes his three best friends with a deadpan glare.

“What other sickening things did you add to this poor cake?” 

“Buttermints, crushed up candy sticks, red bean paste-”

“ _Iwaizumi!!!_ For fucks sake, red bean paste goes on the product _after_ baking, not before!!!”

“... Oops.” He shrugs, not sorry in the slightest. To him, this was a science experiment, not a bakery where he’d have to eat the finished cake.

“I put in all my favourites! Gummy bears obviously, but I made sure they were sugar free because I added _tons_ of sugar anyways, those ice cream flavoured soft chewie things, popping candy, rainbow funfetti, and sour sherbet!”

“Only _one_ of those things should be in there, Oikawa. What about you, Matsukawa?”

“Those two already added enough sweets, so I added strawberries, banana, and walnuts.” 

“I can’t have this, thank god!” Kindaichi places his plate victoriously down on the table, not even bothering to hide his relief at being exempt from trying the… Cake? 

“Oh. I forgot your deadly nut allergy. Sorry, Kindaichi, wasn’t trying to kill you, I promise.”

“No, no, Senpai, it’s fine. You may have actually saved my life~.” He smiles innocently, knowing Watari, Yahaba, and Hanamaki are glowering at him in pure jealousy.

They have _no_ excuse, no escape, and are essentially _**doomed**_.

“Bon appetit, and happy birthday to me!” Oikawa jabs his form into the cake. The prongs do not penetrate the thick layer of plastic-like gummy bear. The fork, in a stunning example of physics, rebounds off the cake, out of Oikawa’s grasp, and in a graceful arc, crosses the room to land squarely on Watari’s lap.

Watari stares at it. The fork prongs are curved.

“Yeah, no. I’m not doing that to my teeth.” In unison, Watari, Yahaba, Hanamaki, and Iwaizumi put their plates on the table next to Kindaichi’s, as well as the one Kyoutani hasn’t picked up yet - mostly because he’s still outside the room.

Oikawa points at Iwaizumi.

“Weak.”

Iwaizumi stubbornly reclaims his cake.

“We’ll see who’s weak when you throw up before I do.” 

“Stupid is a plague and it’s catching.” Yahaba’s deadpan statement falls on deaf ears as Iwaizumi and Oikawa pick up their slices in unison, glaring at each other competitively, and take their first bites.

Matsukawa is already nibbling on his own, though his face says it all.

“This is… Bad. Really bad. I took like, the squidward-krabby-patty bite size, and it’s still repulsive.” He doesn’t go on to say which part was the worst, because he’s cut off by Iwaizumi and Oikawa hacking and gagging, coughing out their huge mouthfuls.

“Jesus fucking _Christ_ \- Who the fuck put **salt** in there?!”

“Gross! Gross! Get it off my tongue!” Hanamaki and Kindaichi are the first to burst out laughing, having watched the salt disaster happen in real time, but they’re quickly followed by Yahaba and Watari, and even Kyoutani’s deep chuckle can be heard from round the doorway.

If anyone listened _really_ closely, they might be able to hear Kunimi snickering in the kitchen too. 

“Oikawa, you fucking idiot! You were in charge of the sugar! You must have used salt instead! Dummykawa! Shittykawa!” 

“Iwa-chaaan! It wasn’t intentional, I swear!”

“Intentional or not, my tongue is fucking _dissolving_!” Hanamaki slaps a hand over his face as he laughs so hard he wheezes, trying to get his words out to form a sentence.

“I- I did say! Pfft! That it was battery acid! Aha!” Oikawa tears off a bit of the dark brown cake, coloured by the burnt salt, and throws it at Hanamaki’s chest. Whether Hanamaki realises or not, he’s laughing too hard to react.

Matsukawa pokes thoughtfully at the neon green part of his slice.

“Say… Aren’t those sugar-free gummy bears meant to make you shit Napalm for hours?” All faces turn to Matsukawa. Iwaizumi in horror, Oikawa in genuine curiousity.

“Well. Now you’ve said that, someone is going to have to stop me, or I’m going to eat it.”

“Senpai, no. I’m confiscating this.” Watari, saviour of the day, swoops in and takes the plate away, stacking the other discarded ones in a pile and taking them through to the kitchen for throwing away and washing up.

Only Matsukawa’s plate remains, since he’s holding onto it.

Shrugging, he picks it up and gnaws off the neon green gummy part, not caring for the looks of horror thrown his way as he chews it slowly, continuously, painfully. His jaw hurts.

“Ah, close the curtains and turn off any lights please.” Kunimi’s quiet request shocks the rest of the team out of staring, and they quickly prepare the room to be as dark as possible.

Which… Isn’t very dark at all, in the summer afternoon.

There’s the scratch of a match on its box, the whoosh and crackle of a flame, and then Kunimi walks in with the cake. Two tiers tall, it’s covered in buttercream frosting, white and teal swirled in a marble effect. The 18 candles on top burn in multiple colours, some fancy candles that Iwaizumi picked out because he knew Oikawa would love them.

Oikawa _adores_ them.

“Oh my god, it looks so good! Kunimi-chan! The icing! It’s great!” With a light blush, Kunimi averts his gaze and nods gratefully, putting the cake in front of Oikawa. The Captain closes his eyes, makes a wish, and blows the candles out as his team shout in unison;

“HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!!”

It’s so- so loving, and wonderful, and this is his little family right here, chosen all by himself and forged through their shared favourite thing, a team that was truly more than just a team. They’re his kids, his brothers, his platonic soulmates…

And he couldn’t be more grateful.

He loves them.

He so _dearly_ loves them, loves everything they’ve done for him, loves just being with them, playing with them, talking with them…

Loves that they’ll bake with him, even if he’s a nuclear disaster in the kitchen. 

Oikawa loves his team more than words can ever express, and that feeling will never leave him.

“Oikawa-senpai? You’re crying.”

“Are you okay, Senpai?!” Laughing as he wipes at his eyes, Oikawa’s warm and happy attitude settles the others back into their seats, content that he’s not upset about something.

“I’m okay~. _More_ than okay. Thank you, everyone, for doing this for me.” For a moment, there’s quiet, all of them smiling and grinning and basking in the love they have for each other, and the Captain who brought them together.

“You’re the one who demanded a cake, Dummykawa~.”

“Yeah, Captain, it wasn’t _our_ choice.” Despite Iwaizumi and Hanamaki’s teasing, Oikawa knows they’re not being serious. If they didn’t want to be here, they wouldn’t be. 

“Thanks, anyways. So who wants some cake?!” The good mood leads to a huge cheer, and Oikawa does the honour of cutting the cake into slices, serving it out on paper plates patterned with balloons. 

Kyoutani’s dad and sister arrive in the middle of it, and are both giving their own hefty servings to join in. Kyoutani seems to enjoy introducing the team to his family, and Kaida slips into their mayhem with no complaints, her chaotic hyperactivity and lack of impulse control making her a favourite with the third years.

Nothing could ruin this moment for Oikawa, not even when he shrieks (playfully) at the cupcakes covered in Shiratorizawa frosting, or when Zeus scares them all by screaming in a heartbeat of silence. 

As they’re walking out the door, getting ready to say goodbye and make their ways to their own homes, Kaida tugs on Oikawa’s sleeve.

“Nii-chan, Nii-chan!”

“Hmmm? What is it, little dragon~?” She giggles at the nickname, Oikawa crouching down to speak to her at eye level.

“What did you wish for?! You got a birthday wish, right? What did you wish~?!” She bounces up and down, eyes sparkling at the question, and Oikawa laughs softly.

“I can’t say it or it won’t come true!”

“You can- you can whisper it to me! I’ll keep it secret, then it’ll still work!”

“That so? Alright then, but don’t tell anyone, okay? Not even your big brother!” Kyoutani huffs at that, but from where he’s leaning against the doorframe, he doesn’t move to stop Kaida or interfere. It’s nice to see her socializing, since children her own age are usually terrified of her.

(Cackling evilly in the playground whilst setting off handmade firecrackers ensured that.)

“I promise, I promise~!” Oikawa moves to whisper into her ear, but it’s definitely a stage whisper, because everyone else can hear it, not missing the mischievous spark in his eyes.

“ _I made two wishes, but I’ll tell you the best one~._ ”

“Tell me, tell me, tell meeee!” Oikawa tries not to laugh, his voice wobbling as he speaks.

“I wished Mattsun would update me on the gummy bear situation later~.” Standing off at the back, Matsukawa clutches at his stomach, unimpressed.

“Considering my stomach’s been making ‘30 angry welsh men with trombones stuck in traffic’ noises for the past five minutes, you might get an update sooner rather than later.”

“I _knew_ we should have called poison control.” Kindaichi nudges Kunimi's shoulder, silently warning him not to sound so proud of that. Kyoutani snorts from the doorway.

“Forget poison control, you’re going to need people in hazmat suits. Trust me. I ate 6 of those bears once, and the aftermath made my asshole feel like a broken cat flap.”

“Kyoutani!” Iwaizumi admonishes him for saying that in front of a 7 year old, but Kaida only cackles and runs to her brother’s side.

“The house smelt like poop for days!”

“Yeah, they don’t need to know that, Kaida.”

“Whoops. Sorry, Nii-chan!” Kyoutani tousles her hair roughly but affectionately, shooing her inside so he can politely say goodbye.

“So… Practice t’morrow?” Yup, that worked. That was great. Good attempt, Kyoutani. Oikawa nods nonetheless.

“Bright and early as usual. We’ll be working on blocks so-... Actually no, I’d better be merciful to Mattsun. We’ll do some setting and spiking drills.”

“Thank fuck, I can feel my spine rupturing already. Those gummy bears are making their way down slowly and painfully.”

“... Gross, but okay.”

“On that note, Yahaba and I are leaving! Bye, happy birthday Oikawa-senpai, and good luck Matsukawa-senpai!” Watari starts pushing Yahaba away, who splutters a quick ‘happy birthday’ before he starts walking too, swatting Watari over the head for the abrupt exit.

(He’s very forgiving when Watari explains he was in the direct firing range for Matsukawa’s flatulence.)

“U-Umm! We’re going too! Thank you for inviting us and Happy Birthday, Senpai!” Kindaichi bows deep at the waist, caught off guard when Oikawa drops a gentle karate-style chop to the back of his neck.

“You don’t need to thank us, Kin-chan! You and Kunimi-chan baked the real cake, after all! I should be thanking my two precious first years~.” Oikawa loops an arm around each of their shoulders, pulling them into a three-person hug and squeezing them tightly and nuzzling against their cheeks.

Kunimi makes a soft, surprised noise, but leans into it anyways, giving away his little affectionate weak spot. On the other hand, Kindaichi freezes rigidly on the spot, until Iwaizumi silently gestures for him that it’s okay to hug back.

Oikawa wheezes as the air is squeezed out of his lungs in what seems like a desperate, touch-starved hug, so filled with love and admiration that he almost adopts the kid right then and there. When his lungs begin to burn, he pats Kindaichi’s back and releases the two of them. Kunimi steps away and gently tugs the back of Kindaichi’s collar to let him know it’s time to go.

“See you tomorrow.” With those parting words and two friendly waves, the first years depart, both of them heading to Kindaichi’s apartment for the night.

No point making Kunimi take the train home this late if he has somewhere safe to stay nearby.

“We’d best be going too. I think Mattsun’s going to shit his pants if we don’t go, like, immediately.” Hanamaki trails away slowly, Matsukawa following him with the face of regret, but they’re moving slow enough that Oikawa and Iwaizumi can catch them up with a jog.

“Thank for hosting, Kyoutani. Sorry for the mess we made.”

“S’alright, everyone got it cleared up in the end.” Iwaizumi still bows just a little as is polite, before he tousles Oikawa’s hair enough to mess it up.

“C’mon, Shittykawa, say your thanks and let’s go.”

“Uh, excuse me, Iwa-chan, _Mattsun_ is the Shittykawa right now.” Barking out a laugh, Iwaizumi jogs off to update Matsukawa on his name change, delighted in Oikawa’s revelation. Oikawa huffs in amusement before turning back to Kyoutani, lit up by the golden light in the doorway.

“I had a really great time, especially with seeing the goats, and being with everyone. I know it’s hard for you to spend a long time with us, so I’m really grateful. It wouldn’t have been as fun with anyone missing~. Thanks for letting us use your house, KyouKen-chan! Ah, but now we know where you live, don’t expect us to let you skip practice anymore~!” Oikawa throws up a peace sign before he starts walking off with a skip in his step.

“...Senpai.” He pauses in his step, turning his head over his shoulder to spot Kyoutani trying to hide a very faint blush behind the doorframe.

“I… Had fun too. ‘Nd Happy Birthday.” Quickly, before Oikawa can even process the words, Kyoutani disappears into his house and shuts the door. He can hear Oikawa laughing through the woodwork, teasingly saying goodbye to ‘Tsundere-chan!’. Prick.

Oikawa merrily hums as he makes his way back to his friends, slapping Iwaizumi and Hanamaki on the backs as he catches up to them. He doesn’t dare jolt Matsukawa, because they can see just how much effort it’s taking for him to hold back the apocalypse. 

(Matsukawa ends up getting a different train half the way back, because he’d leapt off at one station to make a break for it. He makes them promise never to use that station’s bathroom again.)

Lying in bed that night, Oikawa looks up at the stars outside his window, pleased that it’s a clear, fresh night. His birthday has been _amazing_ , even if there were little upsets along the way. Years from now, he’ll look back on it and laugh.

Before going to sleep, he checks the team group chat. He _did_ make it blatantly clear he wanted updates on Matsukawa’s situation. Much to his delight, there are messages.

**Yahaba**.  
So was the flatulence the worst of it or did it get worse?

**Kyoutani**.  
Poor fucker has so much worse coming lol

**Iwaizumi**.  
Considering we left him at Mizudori station, I’m guessing much worse.

**Matsukawa**.  
Don’t go in those toilets.

**Matsukawa**.  
Don’t _ever_ go in those station toilets ever again.

**Kindaichi**.  
Senpai????

**Matsukawa**.  
Promise me none of you will ever go in there ever again.

**Watari**.  
Wow. wwww

**Watari**.  
Dramatic. Wwww

**Hanamaki**.  
Rip Matsukawa.

**Matsukawa**.  
No literally. I might need a funeral.

**Matsukawa**.  
This is so bad.

**Matsukawa**.  
I’m going to die on the fucking toilet!!!

**Iwaizumi**.  
Wwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww

**Watari**.  
AHAHAHAHA

**Kyoutani**.  
RIP

**Yahaba**.  
I regret asking anything.

**Hanamaki**.  
I’ll prepare a lovely funeral for you wwww wwww www

**Kindaichi**.  
You’re joking, right?

**Kindaichi**.  
You’re not actually going to die are you senpai?!

**Kyoutani**.  
He is. Lmao.

**Matsukawa**.  
Satan clawed his way through my anal cavity.

**Kunimi**.  
Ring sting?

**Matsukawa**.  
THAT’S THE LEAST OF MY WORRIES.

**Matsukawa**.  
MY CAVERN IS TOTALLY RENOVATED

**Matsukawa**.  
MY INTESTINES ARE BAULKING.

**Matsukawa**.  
I’VE SHAT OUT THINGS FROM 1997.

**Oikawa**.  
This is the best thing I’ve ever read.

**Oikawa**.  
Best. Birthday. Ever.

**Matsukawa**.  
MY ASSHOLE IS TUVAN THROAT SINGING.

**Matsukawa**.  
IF I LIGHT A CANDLE MY ENTIRE NEIGHBOURHOOD WILL EXPLODE.

**Kindaichi**.  
I don’t want to read this… Good night.

**Watari**.  
LMAO Matsukawa-senpai, you’ve traumatized your kouhai!!!

**Matsukawa**.  
I would apologise if I wasn’t suffering INTESTINAL ARMEGGHEDON.

**Yahaba**.  
*ARMAGGEDON

**Matsukawa**  
I will shit on everything you love.

**Hanamaki**.  
In that condition, you probably could.

**Matsukawa**.  
My organs are dripping out of my rectum.

**Iwaizumi**.  
I can’t believe that. You’re being more dramatic than Oikawa.

**Oikawa**.  
Rude.

**Kyoutani**.  
He’s not. Those gummy bears are lethal. WW3 on the guts.

**Matsukawa**.  
And you only had _six_.

**Kyoutani**.  
RIP

**Kunimi**.  
Lmao

**Hanamaki**.  
Would you prefer thomas the tank engine or peppa pig as your funeral theme?

**Matsukawa**.  
Make it Fifi and the flowertots you coward.

**Hanamaki**.  
Consider it done!

**Oikawa**.  
Did you

**Oikawa**.  
Did you actually do it?

_Hanamaki has invited 8 people to an event!_  
 _ **Issei’s fucking dead party**_ at 8:00 in the Aobajousai gymnasium.  
 _Will you attend? YES NO MAYBE_

**Iwaizumi**.  
Askjhdgkshljkl

**Iwaizumi**.  
He actually did it!!!

_Matsukawa is attending!_   
_Oikawa is attending!_   
_Yahaba declined the invitation!_

**Matsukawa**.  
Yahaba why

**Matsukawa**.  
I’m literally dying???

**Yahaba**.  
I just read some online reviews and I’m not going anywhere that the smell of _‘festering diarrhoea left on tarmac at 40 degrees Celsius’_ lingers.

**Matsukawa**.  
Fair.

_Watari is attending!_

**Watari**.  
Catch me eating proper gummy bears as they bring your coffin in.

**Kyoutani**.  
Coffin by tomorrow morning? Ha.

**Kyoutani**.  
He’ll still be on the porcelain throne.

**Matsukawa**.  
That is very not reassuring and I hate that you’re probably right.

**Kyoutani**.  
Been there done that.

**Kunimi**.  
Screenshotted for blackmail.

**Matsukawa**.  
Bold of you to assume I have any shame.

**Kyoutani**.  
Weak blackmail. Everyone shits.

**Kunimi**.  
Screenshots deleted in defeat.

**Watari**.  
Lmao

**Yahaba**.  
The real blackmail is the things that would get them disowned out of embarrassment.

**Yahaba**.  
Like that wonderful video I have of Iwaizumi doing the Hare Hare Yukai in a pink apron and Godzilla underwear. :-)

**Iwaizumi**.  
What

**Oikawa**.  
Wait what.

**Hanamaki**.  
AHAHAHAHAHA SERIOUSLY?

**Iwaizumi**.  
WHAT THE FUCK DELETE IT PLEASE YAHABA I’M BEGGING YOU

**Oikawa**.  
Send it to me!!!!

**Yahaba**.  
Uh no, it’s for blackmail purposes only.

**Oikawa**.  
It’s my birthday. T^T

_Yahaba has shared a file!_

**Watari**.  
LMAAAAAOOOO

**Oikawa**.  
Iwa-chan can really dance!

**Iwaizumi**.  
Shut

**Kunimi**.  
What’s funnier; Iwaizumi doing the actual dance, or the fact he’s copying the orange haired girl?

**Iwaizumi**.  
SHUT

**Hanamaki**.  
THAT’S ASAHINA MIKURU, YOU UNEDUCATED SWINE!!!

**Matsukawa**.  
Kfljhgasjfsdahjhhshguyjr

_Matsukawa downloaded a shared file!_

**Iwaizumi**.  
WHY

**Matsukawa**.  
BECAUSE I’M SUFFERING AND I NEED SOMETHING TO MAKE ME REMEMBER WHAT HAPPINESS FELT LIKE.

**Iwaizumi**.  
… You are forgiven.

**Iwaizumi**.  
Yahaba is not.

**Matsukawa**.  
Thank.

**Yahaba**.  
So about it being your birthday Oikawa…

**Iwaizumi**.  
You can’t deflect onto my best friend like that.

**Iwaizumi**.  
That’s illegal.

**Watari**.  
Breaking news; Yahaba arrested for talking to senpai. More at 10.

**Oikawa**.  
Yes, my prodigy who needs to live FOR THE SAKE OF THE TEAM?

**Iwaizumi**.  
Fuck. Homicide cancelled.

**Yahaba**.  
What actually _was_ your birthday wish?

**Kunimi**.  
I’m curious too.

**Matsukawa**.  
You made up the ‘gummy bear aftermath’ excuse for Kyoutani’s little sister.

**Kyoutani**.  
Kaida.

**Matsukawa**.  
You made up the ‘gummy bear aftermath’ excuse for Kaida.

**Oikawa**.  
That is correct!!

**Oikawa**.  
I don’t think she would have understood my actual wish.

**Oikawa**.  
On that note, I’m very tired!

**Kunimi**.  
Softly; Don’t.

**Hanamaki**.  
Oiikawa don’t you dare!!!

**Oikawa**.  
Nighty night~!!

**Hanamaki**.  
OIKAWAAAAA

Snorting a laugh as he exits the chat app and turns his phone to airplane mode, Oikawa looks to the night sky again. A few clouds have drifted into view, but they’re beautifully silver in the moonlight, and pose no danger of blocking more than a few stars.

It’s true that he had another wish, a proper birthday wish.  
But it’s not one he’s going to share with the team. 

They’re his found family (of which he is a co-parent), and he loves them with all his heart, but he doesn’t really _want_ them to know what he wished for.

Maybe because he doesn’t want them to know how sappy he is.

Tucking himself into bed, Oikawa puts his phone on the side, lingering his hand over it as he fights the temptation to check the chat again. Hmmm… Nah, best if he stay away until morning, for nothing other than dramatic effect, of course.

With a pale strip of moonlight painting silver across his face, Oikawa exhales slowly, melting into his bed, small smile refusing to leave his lips. Stars flicker like candlelight, and Oikawa drifts to sleep with the memory of enthusiastically blowing them out.

_I wish we could stay like this forever. I wish I could joke with them no matter the distance. I wish I could see their faces every morning. I wish we could play volleyball together until we’re old and grey. I wish… They knew how much I love them._

Tomorrow’s going to be a great day.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Don't forget to peel your eggs! :)  
> (And leave a comment!)

**Author's Note:**

> Aobajousai owns my soul.  
> Please kudos and comment~!


End file.
